Drove down today with mum. Hardly slept last night. Holy moly I am nervous! Lots of thoughts have been running through my mind in the last couple of days. Is it worth it? All the man-hours of surgery, nursing, therapy - just to keep me walking for longer into my adult life. Is walking all it's cracked up to be anyway? Would I have been better off accepting defeat and resigning myself to a wheelchair whenever the time came? Am I just a piece of meat for these surgeons to practice on so they can boost their precious egos?
However, much as I don't like to admit it (although it is perfectly obvious to those watching me 'Waddle'* up to surgery), it's been getting worse by the week now and I'm back to using a crutch again, mainly to stop the crazy back pain I keep getting when I start limping. Tori* helped out loads with cleaning the flat a bit more on Sunday, and it was just as well as I was struggling with doing just the bathroom. Spent forever trying to find a long handled sponge that I had kept from last time around, but it was nowhere to be seen... However I am still in possession of my Long-Handled Grabber and Leg-Lifter (is that what you call it?).
Had to have a repeat pre-op this afternoon as apparently blood goes off after 25 days. The lovely ladies in the pre-op waiting room were offering not just teas and coffees, but food too this time! And also entertaining a little boy who'd come with his dad who was waiting for a while. I don't know how they get any work done in there, but their whole demeaner and cheerful, friendly chatter did make for a nice atmosphere. I can't quite put my finger on it, but until now, I've sometimes had this undercurrent of feeling that there is something inherently wrong with me just for being a patient. Whether it's being snapped at on the phone by admin staff or rushed in appointments because I really shouldn't expect to be the top priority... There have obviously been positive experiences too and a great many staff who are committed to their job and to their patients (usually it's the physios I've found, you'll be glad to hear), but it's little things that build up over time and give an impression. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, I don't feel like that at all as a patient at this hospital. I believe I am in safe hands.
I go in tomorrow morning.
I go in tomorrow morning.
* 'The Waddle' is walk only we hipsters are able to do. It requires
highly developed technique and - despite what you may think - does not
make us look like your gran. It actually increases our likelihood of
being able to pull by 74.8%
* name changed
